ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
