Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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