She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Vodka?
Forever.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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