This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My balls are so social today.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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