When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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