what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
