i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
