She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
