Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
whose ass print is on the piano?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
