be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
