need another drink. this is the easiest way
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
