Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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