she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
