nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
