it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
