if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
