sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
