so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
