yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
