What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
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I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
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hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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