Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
