Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
