I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
