After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
