this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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