It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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