my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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