Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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