he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
