My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Found your dick twin last night
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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