Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
