Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
