dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
