he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
