fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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