I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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