have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
