I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
