so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
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Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
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I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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