omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
