I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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