Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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