Apparently you make a good broom.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
