Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's never too late to be topless.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
