your parents love me but you hate me
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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