i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
