you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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