Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
