I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
