Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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