We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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