Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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