Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
