I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
