I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
