Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
