I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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