I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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