everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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