i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
