It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
