i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
