She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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