.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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