my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
