Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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